It’s funny how we wish upon a star, yet cry our hearts out to that same star.
It’s funny how the sky seems to be clearer and livelier at night yet gloomier and darker at the same time.
It’s funny how something can be so beautiful yet so scary all at once.
By definition,
Night: the time between one day and the next when it is dark, when people usually sleep.
Or at least attempt to sleep…
As kids, we used to think that staying up at night was a privilege. We used to beg our parents to let us stay up late, watch some TV, do anything but sleep. I remember thinking every time my parents put me to bed: damn they must be having fun. I mean, it sucks to be a kid, being an adult ROCKS… Right? Why? Well, just because I wanted to stay awake, enjoy that “time between one day and the next when it is dark”.
Little did I know, I would be begging later on for one night of good sleep, one night of not thinking about everything that is happening in the world.
Night: a mesmerizing universe full of surprises, yet the loneliest time for one to be awake.
As I grew up, it hit me: those sleepless nights I envied my parents for, they were everything but fun. I found out that the reason they stayed up late and what kept them up all night were conversations about bills and life. They talked about how they would proceed to make sure we would make it until the end of the month. They were nights where my mom would prepare our clothes for the next morning, and dad would be on the phone with a client assisting him.
Little by little, those sleepless nights started to catch up on me and those restless nights became more and more frequent. And I wondered, how worse will they become? A question that I now wish I did not have an answer to.
It’s like my brain waits for the clock to strike twelve, and starts going through an existential crisis. It starts bringing back memories that I had forgotten. It brings up questions like: why did you choose orange juice instead of apple juice at your friend’s 8th birthday? Or why did you not say this instead of that in a conversation I had months ago? I mean… come on Brain. Seriously? I’m trying to sleep damn it!
Needless to say, 2020 was insomnia’s best friend and together, they teamed up against mankind and came out victorious. Congratulations are in order! And with 2021, the legacy is still thriving.
Night: the loneliest time for one to be awake, yet a potential chance for two to reconnect?
I must admit, I can’t even remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep, and I’m probably not the only one.
But when writing this, I couldn’t help but remember the nights where, while tucked in bed, I had beautiful conversations with my sister, told her all about my crush, cried to her about what was weighing on my shoulders, and simply… talked. We talked. When our days were nothing but hectic and chaotic, those dark and lonely nights were our sole chance to reconnect. Amidst a cold dark night, my conversations with my sister were the beam of light that was missing.
Which led me to think about now.
With my sisters away, and my brother and I being alone, those traditions were passed on to me by my sister. And now the only time where my brother and I get to actually talk, the only free time we get are during these dark nights. When I’m not too busy with university and life, and my brother isn’t too busy playing Fortnite with his friends.
Night: the time between one day and the next when it is dark, when people usually sleep –or attempt to sleep-. A mesmerizing universe full of surprises, yet the loneliest time for one to be awake. The loneliest time for one to be awake, yet a potential chance for two to reconnect?
One simple word, a pretty complex concept, and an emotional rollercoaster that we’re always trying to wrap our heads around.
So tell me. How are your nights?
Love this SJ < 3 keep it up!
Very well written and thoughtful blog👍.
I sleep deeply during the night. Good sleep can keep someone sane in times where worrying about everything has become a daily routine.