Comparison

Ever since we are born, we are compared to people. And as we grow we start comparing ourselves to others.

The story begins with a seed called “comparison” planted within us from the moment we open our eyes to this world. The more we grow, the more it grows, the more it spreads, the less we show.

Comparing skills. Comparing traumas. Comparing looks. Comparing goals. Futures. Pain. Emotions. Comparing the way we look. The way we feel. The way we talk. Walk. Sit. Smile. The way we breathe. The way we live. The way we… The way we simply be.

And what a deadly feeling it is, to compare and be compared.

The feeling of always being too much. The feeling of never being enough.

We’re always either too fat or too skinny.

Too tall or too short.

Too outgoing or too introverted.

Too everything but never enough.

Never smart enough nor ambitious enough.

Never accomplished enough. Never good enough. Just never enough.

We’ve learned in math that 1 is lesser than 2.

And 23 is greater than 22.

And we’re always trying to see if X is greater than Y and how A would compare to B.

But you see,

I am not a mere number.  I am not an equation.

I am not a math problem, just a girl with probably tons of unresolved problems.

I am a human being. An entity on this earth. A person who is beautiful, unique, deserving of so many wonderful things despite being different. I am not you, and you are not me.

But for some reason, it is never enough, is it? Just me being me?

Because that seed will always remind us that someone is always more accomplished. And someone is always more fit. And someone’s trauma is “greater than” ours, and our emotions are less valid than…  

I am a human being. An entity on this earth. A person who is beautiful, unique, deserving of so many wonderful things despite being different. I am not you, and you are not me.

Do I always believe in all of these things? Heck no! I doubt them every single day. Every time I walk out of the house, or open my phone and scroll through the different apps.

Saying them aloud or sharing them with you doesn’t make it any easier.

Because it is built in. And we’re so used to it to the point where we won’t allow ourselves to just enjoy the moments we’ve had, celebrate the accomplishments we’ve done, feel the emotions we’re experiencing, grieve, be happy, make mistakes, be human…

I just need a kind reminder that my path is unique. My journey is too. My traumas matter and my emotions, they certainly do.

This is your kind reminder to go easy on yourself. Because you and I, we’re different yet the same. We are just human beings trying to get through the day.

Be kind to yourself.

We both matter.