Letter to my Future Self

If you are reading this, it means you are still alive.

It means you have survived 2020 successfully (-or not- ?) and all the other years that followed of course.

If you are reading this, it means that you made it through the coronavirus pandemic, the Beirut Port Explosion, the collapsing Lebanese economy, the mental breakdowns, the Alien invasion that I expect we’ll be witnessing soon, and any and all other possible sci-fi scenarios that the coming years will have brought into existence.

If you’ve made it this far, I would like to congratulate you. This is already a great accomplishment. So go ahead, give yourself a pat on the shoulder. You have earned it!

Now, on to the serious part.

First, just to get this out of the way, what I’m about to tell you does not mean that those with clear goals, future views, and planned paths are crazy or weird or whatever. This is just my advice to you from me…? Me being you… Eum… Does that even make sense? Well anyway, I’m blabbering… enjoy!

Dear me, I’ve known you since the day you were born, and from a young age, you always had big dreams and lots of ambitions; crazy ones, unattainable ones. I mean, you wanted to become the first ever female president… in Lebanon. One cannot get crazier… You’ve always pressured yourself for not being enough. Not having accomplished enough. Not having lived enough. You’ve always disregarded all those little baby steps you took to get out of your comfort zone simply because you thought they weren’t enough. You didn’t think they were  worth mentioning. You’ve always wanted to be the change that this world was missing. But you always felt like you were a helpless creature whose voice will never be heard. I mean, who are you to stand up against the all mighty Universe?

Then at some point, you started admitting to yourself that maybe, just maybe, you ARE doing something. You are changing things. You could be the change this planet needed. You started your own blog; you started sharing your thoughts; you hoped your words would reach so many and change so much. At one point, you felt discouraged and questioned whether this is even worth it. Whether this is meaningful or meaningless. I mean, who are you? A 21 year old who thinks her words will move the world. You questioned everything. Isn’t that what you always do? Question everything? That’s your trait. Or is it your flaw maybe? I’m not sure.

But don’t we all feel that way sometimes? Isn’t that something common to all of us? So many things in this world make us feel unworthy of basically anything. Year after year, it’s becoming harder to keep up with everything. I know. I feel you. But that’s not why I’m writing to you.

I know you put so much pressure on yourself and you have high expectations of this life, of this world. The world will disappoint you. It will never cease to. But please don’t lose your spark. Don’t stop shining your light when the world feels like a foggy, gloomy place. Stay true to yourself, to your values, to your dreams. Never stop chasing them. What is now impossible and unattainable will see the light of day someday. Be sure of that.

So, dear me, if by the time you are reading this, you still have not become the first ever female president of your country, if you still have not travelled the world, if you are still miles and miles away from where you wanted to be, that’s fine.

As long as you’re a bit happier than you are now, as long as you’ve learnt to appreciate yourself more, as long as you’ve gained the slightest bit of confidence, as long as you’ve made an effort to get out of your comfort zone, you have come a long way. I am telling you this now because that’s exactly what I’m trying to do at the moment.

We spend so much time pulling ourselves down instead of letting our wings spread free; we tear ourselves down because we do not see ourselves as worthy enough. We see other people’s achievements and compare them to ours while forgetting that we each have our own paths to walk, we each have different journeys to live. We lock ourselves in boxes, build up these walls, and limit ourselves to what we think we can do.

Please, do not do that. You are writing your own story; this is your book. Do not let anything dictate what you do. Do not let anything discourage you. Believe me, I know a great deal about feeling discouraged. Hell, I’m living in discouragement right now. But I hope that by the time you are reading this, you will have grown into a happier, more confident version of me, my dear future self.